Last Saturday evening Bob and I were at home in our matching tracksuits watching the History Channel. Anomie was out doing her regular Saturday teenage capitalist ritual of hanging out at New Look and Clare’s Accessories (we’ll brainwash the anarchist lifestyle into her one day), saving us from having to apply factually correct leftist interpretations of historical events for her benefit.
In the middle of a documentary on Cuba’s jailing and executing of its undesirables, Bob leapt off the sofa and turned the TV off. Normally this is the cue for us to hold an informal symposium on the MSM’s propagandist output, and test Anomie on her recall of famous bearded anarchists. But with our cousin out at the shopping centre, clearly he was in the mood for something different.
“I just can’t lounge about like a mental midget, watching TV and wearing a tracksuit! I'm anarchic as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"
My chronic fatigue was playing up, so this funny turn of Bob’s concerned me slightly. Normally he’s able to take out his antisocial impulses and societal frustrations in his role as PE teacher by kicking the fat kids into the showers after games. Clearly, this wasn’t going to be an option at the weekend.
“We’re anarchists, sis! We gotta do somefing to bring on Revolution!”
“But what, Bob? You know I had to wind down my law studio because of the CFS.”
“I danno. You’re supposed to be the brain! That’s why you’re a proven lawyer and I’m a PE teacher!”
“We could have a sit-in, I suppose”.
“That’s the bleedin’ chronic fatigue talkin’! What’s anarchic about that? Would any true Iranian get a CFS diagnosis! We need action! Direct action! I'm anarchic as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"
“Ok, bruv. How about we...”
“Cancel the TV license direct debit!”
“Cancel the TV licence direct debit?”
“Yeah, stick it to those muggy propagandist cunts at the BBC! How anarchic is that, eh!”
“But, Bob. Nonpayment of the TV licence is an offence which could lead to prosecution and a fine of up to £1,000 (plus legal costs), not to mention the embarrassment and hassle of a court appearance And you know it was the hassle of all those court appearances that led to me having to take a career break from the law.”
“C’mon, sis! You’re supposed to be a proven lawyer! You’d be able to get me off. And what’s bunce compared to anarchy and revolution!”
“But... we need the MSM! I know we critique it all the time, but we’d be lost without it! What would we do if we couldn’t sit here feeling smug and sanctimonious at being able to see through all the Establishment’s conspiracies and propaganda!”
Suppose you’re right, sis. Plus I’d really miss my post-midnight dose of Goldie Hawn!”
“Seeing as Anomie is out... well, we could always...”
“Ah, go on then. I know we both have wanted to do it for a long time... I can’t suppress my feelings any more... Let’s do it! Let’s watch ITV!”